December 14, 2012

A Survivor's Word - Parts I and II Analysis

Hello, everybody! I'm in a rather wonderful mood, and so I decided to shake out a post now! The majority of it will be highlighting a few bits of the latest segment of A SURVIVOR'S WORD (yes, it is intended to be in all caps) and my thoughts behind them. Also, I wanted to write a little on "the making of", which will be a post all its own. However, I wanted to point a few things out from there. You'll see my own in-depth analysis of a few things, and maybe even a concept piece or two, if I'm brave enough.

With all apologies for a dull intro, let's get started!
When I last left you guys with ASW updates, I believe that my piece had been uploaded to the Pirate101.com fanfiction page. The story had left off with DDD reflecting on the fact that Remmy was gone, and that she couldn't exactly do anything about it. Let's take a look a scene near the beginning.

Destiny's comedic side was actually right. The Skyway lit up a brilliant orange from a distant wildfire – Destiny automatically blamed the Troggies and their lack of planning with their torches. She could feel frost on her chin and eyebrows, and sweat making layers on her forehead.  
Shortly after that scene came this one:
"Getting out is the fun part." Destiny tried to hold back any unintended sarcasm, and she was unsure of how much was caught. "Mind we do it right," she thoughtfully added. The stormgate-exit to Skull Island was farther than Destiny assumed [cont] 

There was something about this first segment that I realized soon after it was published to the site - the scene change was a complete messup! How in the world was there a stormgate starting in a place with troggies (Skull Island) to Skull Island? That didn't make sense at all! If I could change that first scene, it would be to  switcheroo the Troggies with the bison natives and their elaborate bonfires - oops! Forgive me, everyone! I feel pretty ashamed for not catching it.

Now, let's meet a new character, Aedan Bristol.

"Where have YOU been?" A young merchant coiled thread in a corner.
"Hello, Aedan. I got into somethin' that's none o' your business, that's what." Aedan Bristol turned back to Destiny, and scowled.
"What do you want?" Destiny reached into a tattered pocket and removed a decent handful of coins.
"What will this get?" She folded her hands on a table and leaned over to support her weight with her shoulders. Aedan squeezed his chin and pulled out a tattered apron. Destiny took a turn to scowl.
"How am I supposed to move around, draw a sword, in whatever you've drawn in?" Destiny held a smart-looking coat at arm's length, not pleased at all. "Is this a joke?"
"Buy it or leave, Devereaux. And get something to patch your eye, it's...not going to get better." Destiny folded the apron and draped it over a shoulder, as a blue scrap of cloth and a mundane ribbon landed in her hand.
"I'll see you later, Aedan." Destiny silently left the shop.
Aedan Bristol appears to be the owner of a small clothing shop in Skull Island, the one of Destiny's preference. The store doesn't sell much outside of local wear, and obviously don't get much business, due to the large piles of clothing everywhere. Aedan seems to know Destiny from perhaps a previous visit, but adheres to the prices and gives her what he can for her money. He gives her free material for an eyepatch, however, hinting at the fact that Aedan is constantly self-conscious. Another example of that is his dialogue, the pause when talking about Destiny's eyepatch, and the  lack of words. Also, I'm not so sure why Des holds up a smart looking coat when the subject is the apron. I think I forgot to get that. I'm a little worried about my published work, now....
The truth about Aedan is that he's the son of the owner of the shop. He doesn't want to give Destiny more than she can pay for because he's afraid that his father wold notice, even though the man was long gone. This was originally a sideplot for the story, but I had to edit it out as I trimmed.

Lastly, let's analyze one of my favorite scenes in this part - it was the only one not edited at all, and I loved writing it, for some odd reason.

Vendor wagons were rare in Skull Island, and Destiny knew why. Of course, it didn't stop her from pulling a shining Waponi spear from a display. Looking back with her new find, Destiny saw the wagon unmanned – it had probably just settled; five more minutes and it would have been in splinters. She backpedaled a few steps and snatched her fill of clothing – garments that (at least) smelled better than what Aedan gave her. She also picked up a sturdy elastic band. Pawing through rings, Destiny heard a shout.
"You, there – thief! What do you think you're doing!?" Destiny gasped and took the box of rings, concealing it in her findings. She darted away on her toes and crashed through the doors of Swashbuckler's Hall, where Morgan Lafitte cleared her throat.
"And what do you think you're doing here, my prodigy?"
My main focus is the repetition of the dialogue in the end. What I intended was a long explanation of how Morgan LaFitte had listened in on the conversation outside, and had witnessed Destiny stealing the equipment. However, I didn't like the scene one bit, and was frustrated enough to get rid of it, and suppose that the reader could come up with something on their own. Even though I struggled to remember why the dialogue was so similar, I eventually remembered, and regret taking the explanation out. Still, it can prove later that Destiny has the potential to effectively eavesdrop. I might write that in later!

Now that you have a firm grip on the story at this point (and if you don't, read it here), what do you think? What is your point of view on Aedan, and what about that recurring dialogue? Let me know what you decide! Thanks for reading, everyone!

Keep Traveling!
Des
(Thank you, Dragon Keeper, for being my 40th follower!)


3 comments:

  1. I'll be starting to read the entire story in a few days, because this seems very interesting.
    Keep up the good work Destiny!

    ~Chris.

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  2. Thanks so much, Chris! I've been working on this since early October, but only two segments have been posted. Happy reading, and thank you again!

    Des

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  3. I agree with Chris, it's VERY interesting (wait, part 2 is out?? Ah! I got to go read it!).
    Analyzing writing, especially ones own, is always a lot of fun. Even more so when you're really into it and smashing away at the keyboard, then you look at the clock and two hours have passed, and you look at the time confused, wondering if you've messed with the time-space continuum...

    Keep writing!!

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